A year

Next Saturday marks one year since my son was born. It's hard to believe that I've been a mom for that long. In fact I feel like I was asleep for the most part of it.



I've changed hundreds, maybe thousands of diapers, I've been thrown up on, and peed on 4 times (after the first few times you learn to change diapers really quick!!) I've been bit, I've been kissed the best kiss ever, and I've wiped endless tears after kissing boo boos.



I've cried just about every time he does something new (except when he learned to throw...not cool!!). He learned to lift his head, smile, laugh, roll, army crawl, crawl, clap, blow raspberries, high five, and say uh oh. He's just now starting to walk. There are just so many things that happen in the first year of their lives that it is amazing. And it is nowhere close to being over. He has a lot more to learn.



I never thought I would be a mom. I knew I wanted a baby but not any time soon...my how mysterious life works. Now I don't remember what life was like without him. He has changed my life in endless ways. I'm stronger, faster, and not very squeemish. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. I hope I live up to his expectations and he grows up to be the coolest, smartest, loving little boy.



Happy Birthday baby!!

Jinxed it

So you know those days or weeks where everything is going great and for the first time in a long time you finally have a grip on things. And then out of the blue, for no apparent reason, shit hits the fan. And I don't mean just a few things or a minor bump in the road..I'm talking major shit that shatters your world (ok maybe not shatter but it disrupts the peacefulness you finally found).

Then I went to work only to get bombarded with more crap. I already work 9 hours a day sometimes 10 because I can't get it all done in the 8 alotted hours. Then I get home to find out my mom has empysema and osteoperosis.

So again I am left here to try and figure this all out again. I finally had shit cleared up and had sorted it all out now I'm left sitting on the floor trying to distinguish what is what.

Double Take

So the other day I was watching a television show with Cooper and it was classical poetry set to cartoons. The illustrations depicted the poem in a very interesting way. They were read by celebrities which also gave an new twist. We dont' watch TV much at all because I think it rots the mind and I don't want my child to be a TV zombie. So when we do watch it is something educational or classic. Anyway, How do I love thee by Elizabeth Barrett Browning came on and was read by Gwyneth Paltrow (one of my favs). It was depicted by a mother bunny and her son.

Well after watching I held the poem in a new way. I never really paid any attention to it because I thought it was cliche. So here is the poem and I will post another blog about my translation of it.

XLIII. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.I love thee to the depth and breadth and heightMy soul can reach, when feeling out of sightFor the ends of Being and ideal Grace.I love thee to the level of everyday'sMost quiet need, by sun and candle-light.I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.I love thee with a passion put to useIn my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.I love thee with a love I seemed to loseWith my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,I shall but love thee better after death.

I got nothing

I don't have a fancy title for this. Mainly because I'm really not sure how to describe it in a few words or less.

I've been reading alot lately. My latest novels were a series about a vampire and a girl (ok it's not my normal read, but it sounded good and I needed an escape). Well, I got my escape but now I am waiting for my friend to finish reading the third book so I can finish this series. It's weird how it is eating away at my brain.

Then I realized several things that caught me off guard. So much for an easy read. It turns out it made things a little more complicated.

The main character in the book was alot like me. I totally felt her pain in the book. It was kinda strange how I could relate to a fictional character, especially one who is in love with a vampire. I for one have never met a vampire and two I don't know if I would necessarily believe some dude if he told me he was a vampire. Unless of course he could prove it (that's another problem I have for another blog...we as humans must see to believe).

The other part of the book that I loved was my ability to escape. In fact I was so sucked in I lost track of time (unless I was playing with Cooper in that case the book was put up for a few hours).
It was like I was a hidden character in the book. I haven't read a book like that in a long time.

Anyway I just had to express that because it's been driving me freaking nuts.

FOXSexpert: Clothing and the 'Britney Syndrome'

Ok so here is an article from FOXNews.com that I found very interesting and wanted to share...

Oops, they did it again. Major retail outlets are sexualizing young girls.

This past spring, Kmart sold cropped sweatpants flashing the words “True Love Waits” across the derriere. The pants are no longer available in stores or online, but they have reignited the debate on how we’re dressing our children.

Whether they are wearing it or stating it, are we pimping our youth with sexual messaging? And if so, who is to blame?

Parents have long been dealing with the problem most recently tagged the “Britney Syndrome.” While the pop princess and her counterparts Beyoncé, Christina and Jessica have been pegged for corrupting American youth, it seems every decade has an icon who challenges our fashion tastes.

For my generation, it was Madonna. I remember longing to emulate the Material Girl’s netted, cut-off tops, lacy tights, short skirts and rubber bracelets. I begged and pleaded with my mother to let me do so. I could be super cool, and dance just like Madonna, if only I could bare my stomach with a midriff top. But my mum firmly said, “No.” Go figure — I was only 10.

Gone are the days of good sense when it comes to fashion sense for children. For years now, we’ve seen little girls running around in tube tops, miniskirts, thongs, and cropped t-shirts. Our jaws dropped as they donned short shorts with the words “Juicy,” “Yum,” and “Hot” printed across their butts. We nearly had a stroke when Bratz released tiny padded bras and matching lingerie sets for 6-year-olds. We were beyond dumbfounded when “Hooters Girl (In Training)” t-shirts came out for toddlers.

Sure, Kmart’s sweatpants, which are encouraging abstinence, aren’t exactly raunchy clothing. But they’re equally offensive. Whether you agree with the message or not, it’s a bit disturbing that little girls are once again being sexualized. And sadly, plenty of other companies have been doing this for years. When is it going to end?

The marketplace will continue to exploit young people unless we do something about it. The marketplace will continue to turn our youth into sex objects as long as parents are still buying products seeking to do just that.

We can blame the media all we want to. We can blame those making and supplying the clothing. But children’s attire comes down to what parents are purchasing and allowing their youth to wear. Whether it involves stilettos or claims virginity status, parents are enabling their children to wear clothes with sexual overtones.

That's just some of it...it was really long. Read the rest of it here

Fairy Tales and Happy Endings

So as I watched some sappy movie the other night I started really wondering about alot of things. Do we really just want a happy ending or a fairy tale life because that is what has been embedded in us since the beginning of time.

I mean seriously think about it. I want a guy to lay in the grass with and stare up at the stars...but do I want that because I've seen it in a movie or heard it in a song or because I really want that. I then started thinking that maybe we don't know the difference. Maybe I should say I don't know that difference since I can't assume anything for anyone.

I mean wouldn't it be nice if there really was a prince charming to come save me from the hell I've caused myself. Or that silly guy that always knows how to make me laugh when I just want to scream. But again is it because I've seen so many movies that my thoughts are jumbled about what I really want.

I guess what I'm really saying is that so many times there are hardships and trials and tribulations between two people but no one really wants to deal with it. I mean who would if there really is a prince or princess out there for us? So in all actuality I've been sabotaging everything because I'm waiting on some dumb fuck prince?

I gotta get rid of my TV!@

I lost a friend but she's still alive

So this weekend I get a random phone call from someone I haven't talked to in months. I don't answer the phone, I never answer the phone...I'm shitty like that (ok not really I just spend most of my time not talking on the phone). She then texts me and says I'm in the hospital and I just replied I'm sorry to hear that feel better.

I feel like crap about it but after years of a hurtful friendship I had to let go. I can't just keep picking her up everytime she needs help. I only heard from her when she needed something, whether it was a paper to proofread or an ear to listen I was ALWAYS there. Now I can't do it anymore. I got tired of the excess baggage and let go of a lot of them...not just her.

I lost respect for her on her birthday in October this year actually. I made arrangements so that I could have someone watch my one month old so I could have dinner with her. She showed up fucking coked out and looked at me and said "I don't want my son anymore." It was at that point that she made me disgusted. I couldn't imagine being able to just dump your 7 year old on your parents. I would kill someone if they tried to take my son away from me. I just don't get the heartlessness...yes I do she is white trash with money.

I think I grew up and she never did and probably won't anytime soon. She wanted to hang with "cooler" people that go out 24/7 and I don't do that anymore. It is just hard to swallow the fact that I lost a friendship that has endured so much over the MANY years.